I read a good number of books and blogs about pregnancy to see if somehow Vendetta’s situation was an extreme version, and she didn’t actually want to divorce me. I was so hopeful that Lauren would be born so that I could get Vendetta back, but that didn’t happen.
Before Lauren was born, Vendetta was mean (nasty texts / emails, hanging up on phone calls, etc.) to me every day that I was away, so I thought she was sad that I was gone. After Lauren was born, Vendetta started being mean to me whenever I was around. One time long ago we had gone to a marriage counselor and her complaint was that I didn’t call her (this was a projection), so I said to myself, I’m going to call every single day. She had long ago stopped calling and tried to block my number, so I had to call on private numbers at work to her company phone, which didn’t have caller ID. Months later, I gave my mom the same strategy… she got through, after which Vendetta hung up in her ear after two seconds. I can’t make this stuff up. Vendetta really wanted to end the relationship, but I wasn’t going to allow my marriage to fail. To quote Vendetta, she said that “all the love she had for me was replaced by Lauren when she was born.” If that’s not the most chilling of the evidential things to explain NPD, then nothing is.1
When I arrived in Charleston, Vendetta insisted that Lauren sleep in the room although she also was upset that I didn’t put up the crib months before Lauren was born. We had an area for Lauren to sleep only a foot away from Vendetta, and I suspect that Lauren slept there every night when I was gone, but when I was in Charleston, Vendetta wanted Lauren to sleep in the bed next to her. It’s laughable now, but Vendetta didn’t even want me to sleep in the bed2; one time she ran away in terror when she found me sleeping in the bed. Vendetta sleeping with Lauren in the bed was very dangerous because Vendetta could have rolled over and smothered Lauren to death. Vendetta also suffered from kicking in her sleep. She could have struck Lauren. Besides that, Lauren could have fallen a pretty far distance off the bed. None of these things worried Vendetta as she insisted that I not sleep on the bed, and Lauren take my place. I obliged, because I wanted my marriage to stay together. My mission was to stay with Lauren as much as possible, so I slept next to the bed on the floor every night for months3. One time I crawled into bed before Vendetta jumped in. When she saw me, she grabbed Lauren, screamed, and ran into the other room after which she locked the door and slept on the couch the whole night. Surely she told all her friends some tall story, but that’s how it happened. Made no sense to me… still doesn’t. “The borderline’s all-or-nothing thinking results in split perceptions of her children [or people]. Brazelton (Brazelton and Cramer 1990) asserts that all parents unconsciously project either positive or negative attributes onto their children. A borderline mother’s projections, however, are intense and may fluctuate wildly from perceiving a child as all-good one minute to no-good the next minute.”