When Lauren was born, I started receiving truly nasty text messages. They just were crazy in tone and just cut down to my soul is turns of nastiness. The messages read like this: “I’m exhausted faking it… pretending like I care for you is just giving you the wrong impression.” I would usually blow them off because I assumed that Vendetta was suffering from post-partum and lots of stress after her father had a heart attack and her dog died. In the end, they were truly how she felt, and there was nothing I could do I stop her. She was faking her feelings towards me. She probably hated me during the last few months of our relationship. This is what she wrote “I just don’t see a point in spending time with you. Faking it is exhausting for me and I think it’s just confusing you and making things worse. You said I only say those things when I’m hungry or tired or before you leave. And the truth is that’s how I feel all the time. I just feel mean and awful saying it all the time. So now I don’t know how to act or what to do.” This was less than a year after we got married. Vendetta still refused to go to another counselor. I hadn’t done anything to destroy the marriage and Vendetta’s entire family knew that she was a personality disorder. If I didn’t get Vendetta help fast, she was going to end the marriage, so I tried to look for solutions while I cranked up being nice to her at every opportunity.
Since Vendetta hacked my phone, she had my notes. Those notes included a strategy to be in relationship with people who suffer from BPD. It gave me about 7 different things to do to help those people. Some included complimenting them in public in front of other people to build their self-esteem. Others included easing their abandonment fears, etc. I did all of those suggestions, but they didn’t work as effectively, because Vendetta read them too and knew that I was trying to help her. She didn’t want to be helped. She got everything from the relationship and wanted me to go away permanently. She went so far as to verbalize it during our last counseling sessions. Vendetta stated to the counselor when asked what I could do to help the marriage, “I don’t want to tell Diego how to fix the marriage, because he is so good at following directions, that he’ll do it.” The counselor and I met eyes with the same, “did she just say that?” look. I asked the counselor after our session, what she thought, and she said it doesn’t look like she wants to be married. She said you can’t force someone to stay married.